Better Than Perfect

Practice never really makes perfect.

You will be tested over and again,
and even the thousandth time
you will be far from perfect.

Do not be discouraged,
for there is something better than perfect:
Progress.

Practice so the next time
the winds of uncertainty howl
you will bend and sway,
but you will settle at your center
sooner than the last time
so they won't blow you entirely off course.

Practice so the next time
the rip tide of fear catches you
you will struggle,
but you will surrender
sooner than the last time
so it won't drag you to the darkest depths.

And when you stumble,
when you are blown or dragged
further than you would have hoped,
do not be discouraged.

These are simply opportunities to practice,
and practice makes progress.

Unexpected

Isn’t it astonishing,
the wonders we uncover
when we dare to look at another
with an open heart?

Amazing to discover
that behind those bright and playful eyes
rests a gravity that can pull you
instantly to the center of it all.

Incredible to find
that behind that firm, broad chest
beats the most expansive and softest
of tender hearts.

Astounding to recognize
that behind a lifetime of
unfamiliar experiences
lies a soul so like your own.

Unbelievable to realize
that what you thought
you’d search the world over to find
was just down the road all along.

Trinity

The rhythmic roar of the ocean tide, 
the steady presence of the ancient mountain,
the wondrous glow of the full harvest moon.

Such power in each to
lift the burden of man's heart,
to remind him
he is at once
infinite and infinitesimal. 

The ocean, the mountain, the moon.
A day of deep connection
with this sacred trine
leaves me feeling exquisitely alive.

What a beautiful life.

I Can Tell You This

I cannot do it for you,
but I can tell you this:

To find what you seek,
you must do the work.

Walk the path, however slowly.
Move. Be still.
Speak up. Go deep.

Purge, heave, sob.
Tear open your own heart
and let all the darkness bleed out of you.
Make room for the light to pour in.

Day after day, drop the expectations.
Take the bushels of shame off your back.
Set them down. Walk away.
Repeat.

Scatter your stories in the dust.
Say "thank you." Let them go.
Keep going.

In time, tiny magical moments
will creep into your days.

You will see clearly
and find light in every darkness.

You will feel the pulse
of the universe in your very veins.

You will stand taller in your bones
than ever before.

You will feel intensely alive,
and you will have done it all on your own.

Then, and only then,
when you least expect it,
an arm around your waist
will feel like freedom,
and you'll break into a run,
laughing at the sky,
every other step barely skimming the ground,
the path ahead paved in possibility.

Come Along

Come along, come along!

There are places
on this blue earth
we are meant to be,
hand-in-hand.

There is work to be done,
love to be made,
stories to be told.

There are wounds to mend,
hearts to crack open,
fires to kindle.

There is nothing to fear,
no more time to waste.

The divine, she calls.
Move into it. Step forward.

Come along, come along, come along.

Onward

I jumped and I did not fall.
I flew.
Just like all those promises said I would.

Some days I soar.
Some days I swoop so low
the tips of my wings brush the water
and I know if I stopped moving forward
for even a second
I would be wet and heavy and sinking.

So, onward.

Some days I'd give anything
for a soft place to land,
but the stars say not yet.
Perhaps I haven't broken in these wings
well enough to know for certain
that if I folded them to rest
I would have the strength to unfurl them
and fly once again.

Until then, onward.

Tell Me

Tell me, can you taste it,
my promise on your lips?
I left it for safekeeping
the last time that we kissed.
It is this:
I can go along,
stand strong,
sing my own song,
and still belong
to you.
And I do.

Of All The Billions

I have a stone.
Wide, flat, slightly oval,
I keep it in my pocket.
I found it when I wasn't looking -
or it found me -
knowing the shallow valley along its back
would rest effortlessly upon my finger
while my thumb turned circles
on its smooth, round belly.
Few know it is there,
this steady companion
that keeps me grounded and
keeps me dreaming.
But it doesn't need to be hidden.
It won't lose it's magic in the light of day.
Soon I'll hold it in my open palm,
showing anyone who will look:
"See, here! The beauty!
Did you even know such a thing existed?"
Those who see with their eyes
will call it a fine stone
but argue there are billions and
surely many a stone would do.
But those who see with their hearts
will recognize the miracle in finding
the one that fits seamlessly into your hand
even when you reach for it in the dark.
Of all the billions,
that one you keep.

Inadequate

Everything in me is enormous tonight. I tried to write but all the words that came seemed so wildly inadequate. So I'll leave it to another. I don't really want to write, anyway. 

I want to touch. That would say it all.

A Conceit

Give me your hand.

Make room for me

to lead and follow

you

beyond this rage of poetry.

Let others have

the privacy of

touching words

and love of loss

of love.

For me

Give me your hand.

-Maya Angelou

Magnolia

Delicate blossoms
Day-long rain too much to bear
Petals kiss the earth.

Holding Space

Years now of digging
and I've finally carved out
an authentic heartspace.

Solid braces of clear intentions
hold this space wide open,
spare it from collapse.

It is precious, but still not heavily guarded.
Show up for me and I will repay you in kind,
for what is there ever to do, really, but love?

Burning Bright

For days and nights now

I've burned,

a white hot flame

at my center.

Ever brighter,

this fire of life,

my power lies in 

the heat.

Why did I ever think to douse it?

Why ever attempt to give it away?

I promise to fuel it, tend it, spread it,

and never let the ashes go cold again.

Invitation

This, this, this...
This is real living,
real loving, real being.

Deep connections:

belly laughs

heart music 

soul speak

movement

stillness

sound 

silence

It's all meant to be shared
or all meaning is lost.

Come along, come along!
The road winds long before us;
my outstretched hand awaits.

Looking Back

I remember where I was
a year ago
right about this time.

It was an ocean of
exquisite heartache
and I was so far out to sea.

But there were
undercurrents of courage
and the occasional
wave of hope.

Slowly the tides began to turn.
I caught sight of land
and just kept swimming.

Some days I still can't believe
I made it to the shore.

Turned On

A cosmic switch has flipped:
fear to excitement,
anxiety to curiosity,
apprehension to courage.

Wonder all around
and so within,
simple moments, miracles.

The Truest of True

I offer it all up to you tonight,

full moon of transformation and rebirth.

My every desire, every struggle, yours.

My whole being,

strip it down.

Clear away what does not serve,

make room for more and higher still

a love not yet defined. 

I will not cling

but let you wash it all

from my open heart and hands,

honoring their emptiness

until they slowly fill

with only the truest of true. 

Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha

Welcome

There is a new woman in my life.

This woman, she's sure of herself,
stands up straight and tall.

This woman, she speaks her truth,
shares the deep and sacred.

This woman, she's relaxed,
brow smooth and unfurrowed.

She sleeps, this woman, uninterrupted,
and dreams and dreams and dreams...

I'm just getting to know her,
but she is so welcome here.

I've awaited her for ages,
and was once afraid she'd never come.

A Dense Calm

A dense calm has settled
at the center of my chest.

It's heavy in a comforting way,
like a lover's arm around your shoulder.

Knowing brought it here, a certainty
that I am right where I need to be.

It holds me in deep appreciation
for the journey thus far
and all that is yet to come.

Anahata

Moving body with breath
professes love
as endless as the night sky.

In complete silence,
it is amplified a thousand times
over any spoken word.

Listen with your heart
to hear everything
you need to know.

Everyday Magic

So it wasn't your best day.
They can't all be.

There will always be
moments
you wish
you'd done better -
just see them as
chances to learn.

If the wild ones
or the lost patience
or the inner critic
get you down,
just take one look
out the window.

Everyday magic in
a tree full of stars.

What's On My Mind

What's on my mind
so late tonight
is sure and clear
and refuses
to lend itself
to poetic turns.

These words are begging
to be heard aloud, to be spoken
just inches from your very mouth,
silence breaking with the dawn.

And with the new day
a whole new world.

Ain't Talkin' 'Bout the Weather

Enough with the
cold grey days.
I'm tired of wearing
all these layers.

Winter's solitude be damned.
Turn up the heat.

Bring on the bare skin
and beads of sweat,
playful winds that tangle my hair
and sneak up under my skirt,
summer sun's kisses
over every last inch.

It's time for a change in the seasons.

That Kind of Day

Today is a be still kind of day.

A watch and learn kind of day,
a wait and see kind of day,
a lay low and let go kind of day.

A trust your knowing,
heart is glowing,
love is flowing - ever growing -
path is showing,
fear is slowing
kind of day.

Go Easy

Go easy.
Go easy on yourself.

Take care with your bleeding heart.
Offer comfort as you would
to a crying child; use the
calm, soothing voice,
strong and reassuring.
Have compassion for
the parts that burn to ash,
they are equal to the parts that soar.

Take care with your wild mind.
If your thoughts tend to stray
toward the things you don't want,
to the place where fear resides,
coax them with a gentle hand -
even for the thousandth time -
back to love's side of the road
where things turn out right.

You are learning.
Be patient.

This is hard.
Go easy.

Grateful

For piercing sunshine in a clear blue sky,
crisp morning air and chirping birds,
lakes that move, free of their icy cover...

For walks to school, short strides and long,
crossing guards and curious little minds,
other families that look like ours...

For this dull job that keeps us fed,
even the ache blossoming at my center
because it means I am alive...

Thank you.

Absent

the words won't come today.
i'm not here to feel them into being.
the second hand clicks,
moving toward another day.
perhaps tomorrow i will return
and the words will come with me.

Sunday Morning Melodies (and a note)

I came here knowing full well.
I asked for it.
But it feels even more raw
than I expected.

Every pick and strum
coaxes to the surface
the longing that always
hovers just beneath,
a soundtrack
for the flickering reel of
memories and dreams
that streams in the background
of my every waking moment.

The ache is overwhelming.
Were I alone I would
drop to my knees
imploring every god in every heaven:
Please, please!
How long must I stand in this fire?
How wide must my open heart gape?

I can only trust
the answers will come
and try not to despair
in the meantime.


**A note on this poem: I did not want to write it. I wanted to write today about anything but the state of my heart this morning. I begged and bargained with myself to shut it down, to find something -anything - else. I finally surrendered, thinking I would write it to try and let it go, but I did not want to share it here. I felt embarrassed that I was being toppled by the same fears and feelings for the thousandth time. "Why haven't I come further than this?" was all I could think. A few hours and a few hundred tears later, I'm posting the poem, having remembered (yet again) that accepting and being open with others about even the messiest parts of our utter humanness is vital to uncovering one's whole and authentic self. There is no need to try and escape or hide what is. Everything is just as it is meant to be. Heartache and all.

Signs of a Fresh Start

A good day's work
making a house a home.

A slow, hot shower
and honey lotion.

Slipping in between
crisp new sheets.

The hint of a smile
in the darkness.

My Very Own Spring

It seems like these endless days
of grey skies and cold rain
are keeping spring at bay.

But the petals and leaves
are determined to unfurl
despite the grim conditions.

When they arrive
they will be even more beautiful
than anyone remembered.

Just you wait and see.

Sure as the Sun

I am ten feet tall today.
Sure as the sun
and rising just the same.

I am ready to speak this white-hot truth.
Deliver it with precision,
land it squarely where it counts.

My voice won't shake

even if my heart pounds.

I am not less than.
I am more than ever.

New Moon

Go, now, it is time.
Set your intentions,
plant your seeds,
grow your sacred life.

Rise up with passion,
move forward with confidence.
New beginnings, meant for you,
are ready and waiting.

The heavens align this day.
Have no fear of failure or success.
The fiery new moon has come
To set your life ablaze.

The Sun Within

Thank you steady morning rain;

you wash away the stories
of lack and loss and hopelessness
which hold no truth
and are not welcome here.

Thank you brilliant lighting strike;
you split my heart wide open
making room for love,
for promise and possibility,
for manifesting miracles.

Thank you rumbling thunder roll;
you urge my soul to trust
in the power of the unseen,
constant movement and becoming
always happening just beyond.

A stormy morning is a beautiful thing
when the sun within still shines.

Dreamland

From rain-soaked morning
through sun-dried afternoon
to wind-blown evening,
this day has worn me out.

Sleep beckons early,

and I will gladly give in,

hoping to revisit

last night's magical first.

A dream within a dream,
vivid and intense,
between real and imagined
the line faded away.

The Pull

I know how it feels
to walk right up to the edge,
to stand there on the brink
only to turn back again.

It can go on for ages,
this hesitant dance,
propelled one moment,
retreating the next.

But the pull is relentless,
and each time you return,
toes to the line,
you stand a little taller.

Until one day...

Whether you take a triumphant leap
or you tumble over the edge
because your knees buckled in fear
at that last split-second, no matter.

You are one of the precious few
to answer the call of the soul.
Awakened, you will fly;
revel in your one true life.

My Morning View

The oak and I stretch up together
toward the heavens this early morning,
the light in my eyes enough to burn
through thick grey skies above.

Here I feel the presence of the past
and find comfort in the thought
of eighty years of spirit come before.
I am not the first nor the last to wonder here.

I am grateful for this place to ground my feet
while my eager heart runs wild.

Success, Redefined

I did it all, young, and well.
The "good job," the husband,
One white picket fence, then another.

I marched dutifully forward with the crowd,
Building some hollow version of a life.
A colossal monument to emptiness.

As I tear it all down
In search of passion and fulfillment,
Many see a backward slide.

They're not exactly right or wrong.
Moving forward in truth can feel backwards
If one goes against the crowd.

My moving forward feels more like backing away.
Sidestepping up onto the bank,
Creating distance to gain perspective.

Backing away to higher ground,
Out of the mindless stream of unconsciousness,
Toward a place of meaning, connection, purpose.

I don't know what I'll find out here,
But this backward forward motion feels right and good.
Success, redefined.

Alone

I can do this.
I have, I am, and I will.

Not just this new bit of time.
Nearly a year now
I've done it all on my own.

Hauled myself over mountains of decisions,
Swam through oceans of explanations,
Fought off wild beasts of fear and doubt.

I thought it would be enough.
(It's enough for me.)
I thought I had proven myself.
(I've proven it to myself.)

But still...

I'm not afraid to go it alone.
I know it's worth the work
and the journey never ends.

Although company would be nice,
not just any warm body will do.

But if he can match my spirit's stride,
and show me the universe in his eyes,
we can learn to be alone together.

Bend and Sway

I used to always need to know.
To have the answers.
To be sure.

More often, now,
I can bend and sway
with the uncertainty of it all.

Oh, there are times
I still want to scream:
"Just tell me! What's going to happen?!"

But more often, now,
I can ride that wave
back to the place of just being.

The place where I don't force the answer,
but wait for it to arrive, fully formed, in due time.

The place where I trust life unfolds as it should,
and resist the urge to meddle with the divine.

The place where I just sit, vulnerable and open,
comfortable with the pause and the space between.

A Matter of Perspective

Yes, it's old. (Or is it well-loved? Vintage?)
And yellow. (Or is it daffodil? Sunlight?)

Depends on how you see it.

How I see it is this:
Deep and long and filled with
steaming hot water,
with room to uncurl limbs,
and rest and soak and dream.

I did it all today,
and more.
A Day In The Life
like no other before it.

Yes, it was hard. (Or was it character building? Experiential?)
And unfamiliar. (Or was it exploratory? An adventure?)

Depends on how you see it.

How I see it is this:
Just like the old bathtub -
perfectly imperfect,
as it is meant to be,
and mine, all mine.

Bring on tomorrow.

Still, and Yet

Still:
The stars a bit muted, but always,
my moon.

Baths and books at bedtime,
my boys.

Full no matter the miles,
my heart.

And yet:

The clock sounds different,

hanging on this wall. 

The sunlight slants a new angle,

moving across this floor. 

The possibilities feel utterly endless,

living in this moment. 

Discoveries abound, within and without.
One tiny, brilliant adventure after another.

Thirty Days, Thirty Poems

In celebration of National Poetry Month, I am challenging myself to write a poem each day in April. I like the idea of pushing myself a bit, and I am curious what will be collected here at the end of the month. Will there really be 30 different poems or will it end up looking like the same poem written 30 different ways? Time will tell...30 days to be exact.

For more on National Poetry Month, visit www.poets.org, a website from the Academy of American Poets. And check out this year's poster while you're at it. She's a beauty.

One of Those Days

This is one of those days.

The ones where I just want to close my eyes,
go back to sleep, or rather,
to never have awoken in the first place.

It was easier to not know,
or pretend to not know,
until it wasn't. Until it was impossible.

I understand there was no choice, really;
it had to happen. But what a lonely road.

It's hard to travel with an open heart.

It's hard to feel so much when for so long
I felt so little.

On these days I wish for the stony heart of yesterday.
I may not have felt the joy, but I didn't feel the pain, either.

But we don't get to choose one and not the other.
It's all or nothing.

Feel it all and be full of life, or
hide from your heart and never live.

I hope the hard road is worth it.

We're All In This Together

I read. And read and read and read. A lot. And I am grateful to those who share their thoughts and experiences, because when we read something another has written and find common ground, we also find strength, and comfort in knowing we are not alone on our journey.

I suppose that's why I write, too. Not just for my own catharsis, but for the slim chance that what I share will ease another's burden, even in the slightest. Here is something I recently found that lifted me up. It brought me such calm. Perhaps it will ease your mind, too.

"Don't insult the girl you once were. Don't put her down, be ashamed of her, wish she never existed. That's like looking behind you and dismissing the road that got you to your destination. That doesn't make any sense. She got you here. She took you the only way she knew how. You're here now. You can look back, you can love her, accept her, forgive her, honor her. It was scary sometimes, it was frightening, it was lonely. It took a warrior's courage, or you wouldn't have survived. There were stumbles, but every stumble still another step. She did the best she could or she would have done better. Now you know better, thanks to her; she endured those lessons for you, she passes on the knowledge. We wake up at the rate we wake up. She went as fast as she could. Surrender. Be here now, bless the road and girl who got you here, now. There was no other way to go but yours." – Sarah Durham Wilson

Unexpected

many tiny flakes
escaping the cold grey sky:
a heart breaks open.

Looking for the Lesson

Restless. Uneasy.
Today is uncomfortable.

There's a tight grip
on the center of my chest.

There's a rising in my throat
that stays lodged and throbbing.

Eyes dart, hands wring, toes tap.

I feel desperate to make something happen,
anything to ease the discomfort.

But there is a lesson to be learned,
and as much as I fight it,
it seems the answer is this:

"Don't just do something; sit there."

Rising Tide

Love like the rising tide today.
Ever expanding,
swelling beyond borders,
too vast to contain.
And why would I?
Love is not meant to be held back.
How foolish to suppress it,
how naïve to attempt control.
Bring on the flood,
let love spill all around.
Let us be awash in all that is
and swept away toward
all that will be.

On The Verge

a moment's hesitation
in the midday sun
there on the step
on the verge

not born of fear
but a desire to feel
the heft and the ease
in that moment

the lock slides
the latch clicks
the door swings

open

to change and challenge
to promise and possibility
to everything that lies ahead

in this wild new world

down the road i go