This is one of those days.
The ones where I just want to close my eyes,
go back to sleep, or rather,
to never have awoken in the first place.
It was easier to not know,
or pretend to not know,
until it wasn't. Until it was impossible.
I understand there was no choice, really;
it had to happen. But what a lonely road.
It's hard to travel with an open heart.
It's hard to feel so much when for so long
I felt so little.
On these days I wish for the stony heart of yesterday.
I may not have felt the joy, but I didn't feel the pain, either.
But we don't get to choose one and not the other.
It's all or nothing.
Feel it all and be full of life, or
hide from your heart and never live.
I hope the hard road is worth it.
