Tonight

A silent house tonight
save the ticking of the clock
and the rain on the roof

Each second and every drop
precious in their own right
so easily lost in the flood
washed away without a thought

Tonight I'll take note

There is solace in that
which usually goes unnoticed
and in the spaces between
where stillness lies

Up to the Challenge

There are two little blond boys
sharing a chair, a game, and a laugh.
They are the epitome of mindfulness,
and I envy how there is nothing
but this moment for them.

I know I cannot protect them
from the evolution of the mind,
that thoughts of past and future
will come to trouble them soon enough.

But I can vow to teach them as they grow
all that I am learning just now,
of gratitude and compassion and kindness
toward oneself as much as others.

If I can help guide them toward
awareness, acknowledgement, acceptance
of all that is inside and out,
perhaps they will know the peace and satisfaction
of an authentic life, well-lived in truth
to the unique spirits they are.

This is no small feat,
but I am up to the challenge.

It Feels Like Time

It feels like time to come undone.
Time to unravel that which is
wound so tightly it suffocates.
Time to smash the locks
and shake off the chains
that weigh so heavily.
Time to pierce the silence
with deafening sound,
to blow up the darkness
with blinding light.
Time to let go
and fall until I fly.

Just a Stumble

They got away from me this morning,
my thoughts.
One after another they escaped
my close hold,
gaining momentum and
spinning into a swirling frenzy.

From the outside it looks like
any other morning:
coffee, email, pleasantries exchanged.

But inside I'm running and screaming,
knocking things over and
damning them to hell.

Allowing this duplicity feels like
a giant step backward,
a shove in the wrong direction
by my old friend fear.

I'm not interested in backward -
or fear for that matter - or hiding,
or anything other than what is.

So this morning, well,
it's just a stumble.
Pick up, dust off.

Keep moving forward
to the place where what's
inside and outside align.

After all, it's only life.
Might as well live it.

Pay Attention

The universe is reaching out to you.
Have you felt it?
There are energies that guide,
show the way,
offer truth.
They open your world
if you are open to them.

It can happen in the most ordinary of moments.
Something you see or hear that another
wouldn't even notice.
But when it is meant for you
time stops
all the air is sucked away
your heart swells - or maybe sinks -
but the message is loud and clear.
You are being offered a gift.

Call it what you will:
fate, coincidence, synchronicity, intuition.
Once offered it is yours to receive, or not.
But cover your eyes, cover your ears,
cover your heart at your own risk.

There is meaning in the message.

A Rare Calm

Finally, nothing.

The quiet darkness
a welcome salvation
from a dizzying day.

A rare occurrence:
my mind
too exhausted to spin.

Grateful for the reprieve,
I settle easily.
One sweet thought
in my minds eye
stays and stays and stays.

Sleep will come
heavy and full
tonight.

A Fresh Brew

Too often lately
my cup is nearly empty,
the three-day-old sludge
in the bottom makes me
turn my head in disgust.
But enough of this.
Enough ignoring, avoiding,
allowing the stagnant unpleasantness.
Time to reach right into that old mess,
stir it up and wipe it clean.
Time to fill the cup
to the very top
with everything that is deep and rich,
flavorful and filling,
sensual and satisfying.
Fuel for the inner fire
that burns so hot and bright
I can't look away.
Instead I'll drink it all in
and wonder:
"How can this be so good?"

Catching Up

By the looks of this blog, now featuring a multitude of disjointed pieces of writing posted all in one day, you may assume I've just experienced the mother of all mood swings. That is not the case, although it would have been a wild ride!

I set the intention of writing like this a while back, and although I wanted to create a blog I was (and still am) a teensy bit terrified of making my writing public. So I began the project with a more familiar medium: pen and paper. Now that I've bitten the proverbial bullet with the blog format, I wanted to bring my previous writing here as well so it would start at, well, the beginning. (A very good place to start!) I also want future posts to appear on the days they are actually written, hence the "lumping-past-works-into-one-day" strategy. Clever, I know.

One final note I feel compelled to mention: What I write here is not intended to be any sort of formal, well-thought-out, edited, or massaged poetic verse. It is intended to be raw and untouched. My goal is to let whatever is inside pour out in its truest form so I can learn from it. Therefore, you can expect that much of what you read here will be messy and imperfect, because what lies within us usually is.

And that is perfectly okay.

Lessons

I can learn from the trees
at a time like this.
Closed up tight
for the long cold winter,
now beginning to bud
though the air is still cool.
Opening slowly but steadily,
taking a chance,
trusting that warmer days
are close at hand.
Though the transition may be uncomfortable,
they do not hesitate.
It is worth the work,
for without
they would never know the joy
of being completely open,
soaking up everything around them,
head back, arms outstretched,
face tilted skyward.
Unfurled, unabashed,
for all the world to see.

A Reminder

A smoky sunset tonight
as a slow burn crawls
across the prairie.

A low, sharp-edged blackness,
led by a thin yet capable line of flame,
clears the remains of the year passed.

The scene unfolding before us
brings sounds of wonder from
the two bright minds behind me,
and offers a much-needed reminder
for my own weary mind:

with destruction comes creation,
with death, new life.
there is beauty and becoming in the blackness.

Magnetism

There has yet to be a day
where I haven't felt the pull.
Such a struggle to stand straight
and not bend in
toward that point in space
where energies are
constantly colliding.
It pulls across a thousand miles.
It will pull across a thousand years.
How ever will I keep my feet beneath me
when the forces are beyond me?

Turning Toward the Light

Such darkness in the mid-night hours
beckons the darkness of the heart.
Alone in the stillness, except for that familiar ache
that keeps me company much too often.
Searching for answers in the stillness
but afraid that this is it.
This is all there is.
Tears burn hot,
despair widens across my chest.
Staring out the front door
I can't help but wonder
who else is standing on the edge,
desperate to step out into the unknown
but tethered still by fear.
I cannot be the only one.
Perhaps if we all moved together
out past where we've always stood
our momentum could turn the world
just enough to bring us into a gathering light
that would brighten with every step.

Just Keep Moving

Rough morning.
Emotions running high,
intensity picking up speed
like the wheels that carry us.
Physically moving forward,
emotionally grinding to a halt.
Where are we going?
How will we get there?
Uncertainty abounds
and brings fear if I let it,
fear that freezes me
with the slightest touch.
But today I will fight the fear
and instead embrace the uncertainty,
see it as wondrous,
approach it with curiosity.
One step at a time,
moving forward.
Moving toward - not running from -
the truth.

Down

A day that started on a high note
taken swiftly down to the depths.
A harmless question reveals
a painful unknown
and disappointment surprises
then looms large.
Touch it, but don't cling to it.
Explore the newly formed hole
right there in the center of your chest.
Acknowledge it, accept it,
let it go or let it be.
Just don't let it be you.

Whirlwind

Dizzying pace the world has today.
Demands from all directions.
Easy to lose a whole day
in reacting, answering, giving.
Remembering, though, there is still another
who needs me...myself.
Take a pause, one moment, one breath
to create even a small space
and all will not be lost in the shuffle.

Feel the Breeze

So much wanting, missing, longing
so much of the time.
Feel it
then let it go
let it flow
onto the page
into the breeze
that I cannot feel
against my skin
when I seize up
and wrap the hurt
tightly around me.
Today when it comes
I will let my heart swell
but only for a moment.
And then I will exhale
and simply
feel the breeze.

The First Day

Stay open. Be here. Be new.
Every day I read these words,
but heed them not often enough.
Today begins anew,
with a challenge to use words,
my medicine,
to keep me open, here, new.
Emptying my mind,
filling the pages,
saving the thoughts
without having to cling to them.
Let them come, let them go.
And all this inspired by someone I barely know.
You never know who will change your life.

Stay the Course

I return to this Mary Oliver poem time and again when uncertainty sets in.

I lean on her voice when I cannot hear my own.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save. 

-Mary Oliver

A Single Step to Start the Journey

Inhale. Exhale. Type.

I've been floating around the idea of this blog for some time now. I intend to use it as a place to keep record of words - both my own and those of others - that move me along the path. It is a path we are all following, yet many of us struggle to recognize it as our own. I've reached a point where looking down at my shoes and kicking up dust as I go along no longer suits me. It is time to walk with a purpose. Head high, voice steady and clear, heart wide open.  

I'll admit I have found it awfully difficult to start writing here. It's going far beyond my "usual self" to present the inner workings of my being anywhere other than multiple notebooks stashed hither and yon. But that usual self is feeling uncomfortable and restrictive as a more authentic self begins to grow from within. And so, to foster that growth and encourage it even when it feels impossible, I am putting myself out there in a form that rings true to my being: the written word.

I've been told that the magic happens outside your comfort zone, and it is magic that I seek.
So here I am, and off I go.